My heart in a complete word-spill

I love the feel of words in my mind. How they roll around, collide with one another, bouncing and meshing for an emotional conglomeration. If you put soft words in a story together, weaving a tale about love and gentleness, the effect is as relaxing as a day at the spa. The words caress the heart and sooth the soul.

I am hungry for more words, for more time to experience language and art. I want to dress in flattering colors and fashions, taste the richness of new foods and sit in a dusty bookstore and inhale the linguistic drug.

I am more than a mother, and yet completely a mother. While my heart desires to experience the world, I want to share these experiences with my children and partake in their wonder and innocent questions.

I want to be a part of their world and for them to desire to be a part of mine. I wish I could hire a housekeeper and cook and bookkeeper so I could focus completely on their questions, their friendship, their upbringing. I want to learn how to love what they love, since I know they are their own people.

Lizzie is completely different from me and my heart hurts because I cannot understand her. I adore words, language, emotions, and she is drawn to numbers, puzzles, and artwork.  We do have a love for music in common. I must build on this.

Dearest Lord,
Please draw me closer to your heart. Give me “Jesus eyes” as my kids would say. Help my eyes to see past the whining, fits, exhaustive requests and endless work – to see the beauty and blessings, not the labor and demands.

I desire to know your love so intimately that I share it naturally and abundantly.  I cry out with David, “Create within me a clean heart, oh God. And renew a right spirit within me.”

Peace. I have never found it in a bottle of wine, a bubble bath, or a shopping spree. Those small actions always led to a fleeting feeling of glee and bliss, that soon vanished like dandelions in the wind. As the child pokes a bubble and squeals with delight as it pops, so my pseudo peace is shattered as I re-enter reality.

I desire to enjoy the mundane parts of my blessed life. I want to play on the floor with my kids, patiently teach them how to care for the house with me, purposefully create a plan for instructing and raising them.

Life cannot be controlled, but it does not have to be lived as a reaction, either. I am not a victim and I do not have to be separated from my darling words nor my Bible Study and prayer.

Life is now. Words are everywhere, God’s words are eternally present. I choose to relish the blessings and gifts in my existence. I hear the sweet sounds of God’s praise ringing in my heart, I am living to lift HIM up!

Super mom vs. super villain

This is a guest post by my close friend Amber. Her full bio is below. In this post she shares exactly what I have felt before – a struggle within myself against my own worst fears.

Perhaps you’ve been there. You and a friend or family member are discussing motherhood and childrearing and the phrase is dropped: Super Mom. It may be said in jest or even with a slight hint of sarcasm, but if you are anything like me, it fills you with dread.

We all know how it works; super heroes all have a super villain. Batman vs. Joker, Superman vs. Lex Luther, Spiderman vs. Green Goblin…and the list goes on! ‘Super’ moms (and I used that term loosely) are no different. However, what is perhaps a lesser known fact is that often our super villain is US!

We try to hide it as we attempt to juggle all the daily tasks of life: career, laundry, dinner, gymnastics, soccer, church, small group, friends, budgeting, bill paying…it never stops. And then to top it all off we throw in there our dirty little secret. That our true arch nemesis is any or all of the following: insecurity, guilt, doubt, fear, anxiety, apathy, laziness, self-sabotage, anger, resentment, selfishness, etc.

If you are like me, you live in fear that your nemesis will win; that you will be overcome by your enemy and all of your shortcomings will be revealed. In my own personal walk with Christ, as I have been digging into His word, I have been on a journey where God has begun to reveal to me just what it means to be a ‘Super’ mom.

First let’s look at ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.’ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

We then go on to read 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) ‘This means anyone who belongs in Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!’

Even more ‘But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you…’ Acts 1:8 (NLT)

My favorite author, Francis Chan, said ‘It doesn’t make any sense that Almighty God would have children characterized by fear and insecurity. He put His Spirit in us so we can be known for our power…’ (Forgotten God).

Wow! So truly, we are not super. Actually, we are the farthest thing from it. Alone we ARE in fact our own worst fear: A Villain. We are selfish, insecure, riddled with guilt and driven by our own desires. Yet when we as women, wives, mothers are transformed by His Holy Spirit, we become new creations. And those creations are nothing, if not, SUPER!

Bio
Amber Weyrauch is a mother to three beautiful little girls. She and her husband, Ben, reside in Shawnee Mission, KS where Amber is the Director of Connections and Family Ministry at Impact Fellowship Church. Amber is a K-State grad and with her husband LOVE being season ticket holders to the KSU football games. Go Cats!

Welcome to my heart, my spiritual journey

Thank you for joining me here!  I am going to create a newsletter for you to subscribe to.  I have this need to share my journey on my blog. I don’t want to turn Mama Dweeb into a Christian blog, so I created a new channel!  I know I have readers on Mama Dweeb that want to hear about my faith and there are others that do not. This is the best for both people.
I will accept guest posts. However, I will be reading every one. Since this is my personal blog, I want this channel to be posts that reflect my personal faith. There are tons of amazing communities online that embrace all faiths, I encourage you to find those if you want to be published. Feel free to engage in respectful dialogue in the comments. I want to hear from you!

 

Till later,

 

Annie